Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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