I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
