Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
