I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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