I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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