Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
