I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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