Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
