he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
