is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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