I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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