Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
