My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
