: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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