I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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