She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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