so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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