Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
