bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
