i barfeds in our rink
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too high and old for this...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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