hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
