Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
