honey bunches of taint.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
