these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
