I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
