im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
