dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize