So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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