I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
