also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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