I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
