ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
