I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
