I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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