its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I use my feet as sexual weapons
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
