me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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