God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
