Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
