She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
