You can't motorboat a personality
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
