FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize