Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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