Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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