Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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