My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
