She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
