It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize