i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
