We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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