apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
