I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
