I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
