and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
