well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
