I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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