Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
