your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
