no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
