Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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