I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
