Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
