I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
