just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
