Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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