I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize