I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
