That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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