An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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