I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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