she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
