im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
